Goodbyes suck.

I hate goodbyes.

But, you know what I hate more than goodbyes? Two goodbyes in one week. Not just any goodbyes, mind you, but saying goodbye to two of  my best friends. 

The first one happened on Saturday. 

I met one of my very closest friends in third grade. Neither of us wanted to play soccer during recess. We then proceeded to walk the perimeter of the playground and talk. I remember I was wearing my baggy black pants and she was wearing a raggedy old t-shirt. You guessed it, we were a couple of tomboys and we had so much in common. 

Although I changed into less of a tomboy, Jessie stayed the same. Not only did she keep her style, but she kept her personality, too. She is straight forward and to the point. She likes to make you think she doesn't care about what anyone thinks, but she really does. She will never stop caring and she truly loves those she cares about. She went to college for a year and decided it wasn't for her, so she then decided to join the Navy. It's so amazing that she got the training to be an x-ray technician. I'm so proud of her. 

After her training she the assignment that she is going to Italy! How exciting, right?! I'm so happy and excited for the opportunity she got. She's young and she gets to travel the world.

For the past few years we didn't get to talk very much. Every time she was home on leave I was so busy. The first time she was on leave I was busy pushing out Lil' Red, and the second time she was only home for a few days. This time I was fortunate enough to spend lots of time with her, not enough, of course, but still a good amount. 

She came over to my house on Saturday morning around 8am to say goodbye. She's going to be stationed in Italy for two years, and she admitted to me that she was scared. She didn't want to go to a foreign country where she didn't have any friends. Broke my heart. Understand that Jessie will have absolutely no problem finding friends, she's amazing, she's just an over-thinker. I hate goodbyes.

The second one happened on Monday.

When I was a freshman in high school we had a foreign exchange student from Germany named Hannah. She had an Ag class with me, along with her host family's daughter, Laura. Hannah and I weren't close to begin with, but she didn't make friends easily. I had no problem Laura, but Laura had a problem with Hannah. 

One day during class Hannah invited me over to her house for dinner, and she needed help packing. Later that night I came over for dinner with her host family. The food was good and everyone was nice. After dinner was over I went into Hannah's room with her and asked her what was going to happen now that she had to move. She replied to me something along the lines of her needing to get a new host family or she would be sent home. She turned around to get something off of her white shelf next to her bed and when she turned back to me she had tears rolling down her cheeks and a quivering lip.

She wrapped her arms around me and I had no idea what to do.

"Why does no one like me? I don't want to go home. What if I have to go home? I have no one."

I was instantly flooded with emotions and I was so sad that I might lose this German foreign exchange student that I barely even knew. Aww man, it sucked. I didn't want to say goodbye. 

After leaving her old host family, and feeling all alone, she went to stay with a teacher and her husband. They loved her and she loved them. She was finally happy. The program she went through to become an exchange student needed to make sure they were a suitable host family. For one reason or another they deemed her new family unfit to be a host family. Luckily the school was doing everything they could to find her another home and make sure her time here in America was enjoyable. 

The superintendent at our school gladly welcomed her into their "fit" host family home. That wasn't her only home though, she spent a large chunk of her time in America at our house with me. 

I think she was my soul mate.

We were the best of friends and saying goodbye was the hardest thing I have ever done. I cried for days and deep inside my heart I knew I would never find another friend like her. Someone who was always there, someone who, despite our language barrier, knew exactly what to do and say at exactly the right time. I hate goodbyes.

She came back to the states this August. Six years had passed and when I first saw her, wandering the streets trying to find my new house, I didn't know what to do. She hadn't met my daughter yet, and I hadn't seen her in six long years. She, however, knew exactly what to do. She wrapped her arms around me, just like she had several years before and tears came to my eyes. It was about time she came back to see me.

Things were exactly like they were when she had left. We fell into our "new" normal routine, of cooking dinner together and talking about the years we missed. She was there when I needed her. She could read my mind. She could finish my sentences. 

I went to say my goodbyes, but I couldn't say them. I couldn't say see you later, I couldn't say any of that. I was so sad and it felt like she was being taken away from me all over again.

I didn't cry when I was with her, because I knew saying goodbye was so difficult for her, I didn't want to make it worse, but I had such a hard time holding myself together. I know I will see her again, but it is so hard to lose two of the best friends I have ever had in a matter of days. Who knows when I'll be able to see them next? I hate goodbyes.

Cherish the moments you have with your friends, and don't say goodbye. When you say goodbye, everything feels so real.